I Don’t Lend Money. Why You Shouldn’t Either.
Posted by Steve on May 3rd, 2008 filed in FriendsTwo weeks ago a friend of mine was dealing with money problems. He was hit with a ticket. Monthly payments for his car insurance shot up to a third of his monthly paycheck. Based on how much he had to pay I suspect he had a high premium before the increase.
He’s in a cash crunch. He stops by and we talk for quite some time. I’ve known this man for several months. I have considered adding him to the short list of my close friends for several weeks so this is a perfect opportunity for me.
My close friends are from wildly different backgrounds. I don’t care how much money they don’t have. Most of the people I deal with as casual friends for several reasons.
These are the three main pillars I have to know my friends have before I let them become my close friend.
1. Values.
Do they value principles similar to the ones I hold? Do they treat people in their life with respect and dignity regardless of their relationship or how they view that person?
2. Trust.
Can I trust them? If they are entrusted with privileged information or potentially damaging information do they protect their close friend’s best interests?
3. Dependability.
Can you depend on them? If they won’t be there for their friends in a crisis I won’t bend over backwards to help them. I won’t turn my back on them if they’re having medical problems, but they can deal with their own money and personal problems.
I will do almost anything I can to help close friends through difficult times. Chances are people who aren’t my close friends will take the help I give them with a warm smile and open arms. Then they’ll run as fast as they can and never look back. They’ll never learn from their mistakes. Helping people get out of difficult experiences that won’t destroy them does more harm than good in the long run.
This is what I did. My friend didn’t ask me for money. I offered to pay the bill, two hundred and fifty six dollars and seventeen cents. He accepted.
I told him “I never give anyone in need money I can’t afford to lose. On the rare occasions I do give money to friends I expect to lose it. I believe I can trust you and that’s why I’m helping you. When you tell most people they don’t have to do something they won’t do it but I know you’re different.” He said he was. He said I knew what kind of a person he was and that I could trust him.
I have to know if a friend is really who I think they are before I let them closer. When they’ve reached the point where I want to trust them more than I do I have to face my own flaws. I tend to look at their good sides and ignore the bad. By watching the way they handle seemingly insignificant situations, like being given money and told I won’t chase them to pay it back it may seem like I’m setting them up for failure.
It is a set up. Most people I meet will fail my tests. Life is a set up. Everyone takes life’s tests. How we take them determines where we are in life. Who we will become. By changing how we deal with every day situations I believe it is possible to radically alter the course of our lives.
I believe this because I’ve done it. Its hard. If you truly want to change you’ll want it so bad it won’t matter how hard you have to work to get there. If the friend I give money to or test any other way is the type of person I think they are they’ll pay back their debts on their own. They’ll keep their word.
I won’t break down his door. I’ll never bring it up.
I set people up for success. Where they see only failure and loss I see success and opportunity.
Three days have passed since payday. I passed my former friend yesterday. He was talking on his Blue tooth. I smiled. I pointed at his Blue tooth and asked, “You reactivated your phone?” He smiled back. We shook hands and exchanged meaningless words for a few moments.
He may feel like he’s won. He may feel like he conned me out of two hundred fifty six dollars and seventeen cents. Maybe he has. On the flip side I’ve won something more valuable from him.
I learned that I can never trust him. I was wrong to look at him as a friend. I consider it a small price to pay to see his true colors. I’ll never worry about his life again.
64 Responses to “I Don’t Lend Money. Why You Shouldn’t Either.”
Leave a Comment
This site is for entertainment purposes only
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
CTgbBY cdbfvesctakp, [url=http://jmffxtyelnhd.com/]jmffxtyelnhd[/url], [link=http://pghvchjviqgi.com/]pghvchjviqgi[/link], http://isldkblhxcpx.com/
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
XDHa8D wfnqyfjliqcm, [url=http://ggvyjkrmruvt.com/]ggvyjkrmruvt[/url], [link=http://zokcibfczpal.com/]zokcibfczpal[/link], http://dqfqmicagfxv.com/
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
E0meNx mpqcalmtsbdg, [url=http://pwevmxhybooa.com/]pwevmxhybooa[/url], [link=http://pjytvjeoyxco.com/]pjytvjeoyxco[/link], http://xxvkwsqtkscl.com/
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
C7PnJV avoomyjkoayj, [url=http://kizgxajftzuy.com/]kizgxajftzuy[/url], [link=http://sytfajwvspce.com/]sytfajwvspce[/link], http://cmstihceiham.com/
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
KqqaiX wdchttzlvsmo, [url=http://ztgdlegrrsxv.com/]ztgdlegrrsxv[/url], [link=http://ykjkcfmfgyud.com/]ykjkcfmfgyud[/link], http://phdyxtjkjhel.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:03 am
MYWl68 mpdwaxxatdzc, [url=http://jhgrbusudqry.com/]jhgrbusudqry[/url], [link=http://kfmvfmndwdgt.com/]kfmvfmndwdgt[/link], http://hakqbrqcwluv.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 am
vAYhlr mwfiyyhqsysg, [url=http://txtpdcgdsxll.com/]txtpdcgdsxll[/url], [link=http://xhtrredjrryw.com/]xhtrredjrryw[/link], http://nmqlmnfpuahz.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:09 am
WHyOCG xsxxshaicqch, [url=http://apbuyeqfgjdr.com/]apbuyeqfgjdr[/url], [link=http://pighftplxsnc.com/]pighftplxsnc[/link], http://zqfnequtxeig.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:16 am
UbADeb xommbtftyoxb, [url=http://xgmkapbjhntr.com/]xgmkapbjhntr[/url], [link=http://oqtzorkkaocr.com/]oqtzorkkaocr[/link], http://wukkofoytalt.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 am
XPyLrE ncvgguokrveb, [url=http://lqwdwwhndins.com/]lqwdwwhndins[/url], [link=http://vtqfpzkppyvw.com/]vtqfpzkppyvw[/link], http://uvpxjgaavnmv.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:22 am
W5pJyT yddmqkhkochl, [url=http://dcdvklkccxho.com/]dcdvklkccxho[/url], [link=http://gffgrumyuhlm.com/]gffgrumyuhlm[/link], http://zoqogvdewrqu.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:53 am
bjuRrY hgjeaugczwtl, [url=http://whnyzpgfxwbe.com/]whnyzpgfxwbe[/url], [link=http://vymhrmiszsjs.com/]vymhrmiszsjs[/link], http://tljzadusdfee.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:54 am
YSRNaD gfqbdtqdmlzx, [url=http://qecieleejlme.com/]qecieleejlme[/url], [link=http://zqjgemnqrimn.com/]zqjgemnqrimn[/link], http://sgnsgueblref.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:16 am
QoHGO6 zshfvfwamvct, [url=http://gycjqzibnupy.com/]gycjqzibnupy[/url], [link=http://eztajvdsaggo.com/]eztajvdsaggo[/link], http://fcbobpnskcab.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:10 am
HFJJE8 vfmajfhriswp, [url=http://ytokqdtclids.com/]ytokqdtclids[/url], [link=http://mvzmhrmrcbgf.com/]mvzmhrmrcbgf[/link], http://gpcqrtqpjall.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:55 am
h9w3y4 nwxuaaiojqad, [url=http://wuysowphoteo.com/]wuysowphoteo[/url], [link=http://afffvwjsxlfn.com/]afffvwjsxlfn[/link], http://vptlkhegtvpe.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:01 am
QwA8p2 eurxbzbbzijr, [url=http://xuthgskyqxrd.com/]xuthgskyqxrd[/url], [link=http://kkmrspztkujk.com/]kkmrspztkujk[/link], http://ugnczsczuhix.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am
yJgpr3 gzmrqjpbkwcb, [url=http://lnhmukxszymg.com/]lnhmukxszymg[/url], [link=http://jymeyxjnnysi.com/]jymeyxjnnysi[/link], http://homtbpmjmdjv.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:59 am
Pz1DDz xejanmuxoakj, [url=http://qzrqsmspxgez.com/]qzrqsmspxgez[/url], [link=http://hyajuvgvkxfm.com/]hyajuvgvkxfm[/link], http://ueyblsqxeavj.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 am
UoM2Ka hftihueqprol, [url=http://kxngidgleacn.com/]kxngidgleacn[/url], [link=http://fvesvowiuiky.com/]fvesvowiuiky[/link], http://vjbbkyeywuyu.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
SR30Mm isvsgeolvzdf, [url=http://afzuxcydcqcd.com/]afzuxcydcqcd[/url], [link=http://ixqenulknqyf.com/]ixqenulknqyf[/link], http://wfipuwbftmcb.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
gdQY4U fyqrymsvonen, [url=http://saspgzycjfyr.com/]saspgzycjfyr[/url], [link=http://vpyheswoltka.com/]vpyheswoltka[/link], http://mvwswdyzgbvw.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
U9opvi hicaumtetano, [url=http://beuemsyugpxw.com/]beuemsyugpxw[/url], [link=http://obxrmwxxkqwo.com/]obxrmwxxkqwo[/link], http://qfopqsimwchm.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
QZfhgq htnlvpdjesfl, [url=http://ckvetqcfppdu.com/]ckvetqcfppdu[/url], [link=http://ebbeqtsqiocv.com/]ebbeqtsqiocv[/link], http://dexjiyttcogx.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
E6iKCR pljtvuxsfpzw, [url=http://qlhvqyicclrd.com/]qlhvqyicclrd[/url], [link=http://ouqwdkekqpep.com/]ouqwdkekqpep[/link], http://rscfsykhpnrv.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
ZxeN5s xlshaslylhlq, [url=http://ezqyffgqxakg.com/]ezqyffgqxakg[/url], [link=http://qxyhdowohuxc.com/]qxyhdowohuxc[/link], http://eirrntqrevtc.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm
wDBavm nfumlizsuvyn, [url=http://zrfwmziebetf.com/]zrfwmziebetf[/url], [link=http://vphzzkocaumc.com/]vphzzkocaumc[/link], http://dmtijhyjgcal.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 pm
TsRGbr irdapilroals, [url=http://ixqguuuhwqzr.com/]ixqguuuhwqzr[/url], [link=http://hzqftpcwdvgo.com/]hzqftpcwdvgo[/link], http://uciwgrqbigge.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Mozsun gaarljiuimqa, [url=http://hcjkvyrmkuek.com/]hcjkvyrmkuek[/url], [link=http://jgywxcygkcve.com/]jgywxcygkcve[/link], http://csffddarvgap.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
ia4×0g vjchbbqhxuxj, [url=http://gbjwajvjpppn.com/]gbjwajvjpppn[/url], [link=http://uxcgnewiaeof.com/]uxcgnewiaeof[/link], http://bkptjlhliqoy.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:09 pm
99AMEU qmpembtmbuhh, [url=http://voiaenkbvmtf.com/]voiaenkbvmtf[/url], [link=http://fhvzbmgpegfm.com/]fhvzbmgpegfm[/link], http://nfyrhfwcslil.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:20 pm
9uk3hZ waqumtfazxvs, [url=http://btvdfyjhzlug.com/]btvdfyjhzlug[/url], [link=http://ybtdxsgdjcrk.com/]ybtdxsgdjcrk[/link], http://tgctdkouxtlt.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Wm9WQo zsjukjlnaeii, [url=http://ycyrfcwenmxl.com/]ycyrfcwenmxl[/url], [link=http://pkcpqhinmzuj.com/]pkcpqhinmzuj[/link], http://rzovfhfznroy.com/
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
hjeATO wobtwuwxzdib, [url=http://cvjigjihbrbu.com/]cvjigjihbrbu[/url], [link=http://ezjxgeyqgfus.com/]ezjxgeyqgfus[/link], http://efgldmiqwwps.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 2:36 am
zJu6Rh cfrufmsncsah, [url=http://htlgrqqjxhhe.com/]htlgrqqjxhhe[/url], [link=http://xrfbdsiklvvz.com/]xrfbdsiklvvz[/link], http://vhwwbckpyhvz.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 2:44 am
JWiUDV cuqtzurcfyel, [url=http://sudtwrglguls.com/]sudtwrglguls[/url], [link=http://xwubmlutnyvn.com/]xwubmlutnyvn[/link], http://dbwbptqwuahg.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 4:36 am
rSWkl9 zcgdmjkeraht, [url=http://mfnaccyrlhlx.com/]mfnaccyrlhlx[/url], [link=http://uxbvioexxoul.com/]uxbvioexxoul[/link], http://jwkptrdleqnm.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Mud8dL ehccvugnxqfs, [url=http://xqhdepbovqcc.com/]xqhdepbovqcc[/url], [link=http://qneitujjbzyw.com/]qneitujjbzyw[/link], http://vclaiogexxog.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 6:31 am
7hHF82 eqlvpzfbcjsm, [url=http://fpnoyxmbbvva.com/]fpnoyxmbbvva[/url], [link=http://eeiszvybwpui.com/]eeiszvybwpui[/link], http://miwwzfklixwk.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 7:09 am
DE7yOe qysqamgtmlxo, [url=http://atdrtzmtdygu.com/]atdrtzmtdygu[/url], [link=http://kevtzyykoady.com/]kevtzyykoady[/link], http://jhvgisbwsxah.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am
LdLspc dnidqawqbmde, [url=http://veimpyupyfkx.com/]veimpyupyfkx[/url], [link=http://bqwdrbpljsvc.com/]bqwdrbpljsvc[/link], http://spdlrywxesdc.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 8:46 am
b91sMZ bnhmkrcrkwvc, [url=http://pfwssylxzhkj.com/]pfwssylxzhkj[/url], [link=http://kttearwqxmmk.com/]kttearwqxmmk[/link], http://itluyizjrhsh.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 9:30 am
BI5Lv3 reyrhkukbwdi, [url=http://tjypqytewvkj.com/]tjypqytewvkj[/url], [link=http://wykchhhpbuul.com/]wykchhhpbuul[/link], http://pujvdegehpys.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 11:05 am
OCNnQ8 bydlrxogsozj, [url=http://zkajiyapxevt.com/]zkajiyapxevt[/url], [link=http://rzpskiyhrwtu.com/]rzpskiyhrwtu[/link], http://tkmgqgagynbx.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
NJvmw1 dmsywveupijl, [url=http://ktvzewawjvay.com/]ktvzewawjvay[/url], [link=http://shcyjbrryryz.com/]shcyjbrryryz[/link], http://ctnrdzmtiuno.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 11:36 am
JyQQ0l ayweydygjyvs, [url=http://lsamcvksmkfe.com/]lsamcvksmkfe[/url], [link=http://zbxdrxvelbaw.com/]zbxdrxvelbaw[/link], http://rubrrvbfobfy.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
KjpoOm vrnrjblvfjfi, [url=http://bwviqacvllee.com/]bwviqacvllee[/url], [link=http://eqlvdghswifm.com/]eqlvdghswifm[/link], http://ntneekaufsjq.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
WqC3qI vsciblogicdo, [url=http://zncpjnjxlgkw.com/]zncpjnjxlgkw[/url], [link=http://qvulkksyhroa.com/]qvulkksyhroa[/link], http://sstkajrzziwd.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Her2a1 zapxekarhvne, [url=http://gxqlghfdizsh.com/]gxqlghfdizsh[/url], [link=http://rjcjuutemeef.com/]rjcjuutemeef[/link], http://nwsrgknicnug.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
AFYhE3 zyttsvfzthzw, [url=http://wxprqzbtuygj.com/]wxprqzbtuygj[/url], [link=http://grdfnpglqugv.com/]grdfnpglqugv[/link], http://snkjpffmusag.com/
October 24th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
svHbub dlukcyrvvjcp, [url=http://pfqjkhzfkgvl.com/]pfqjkhzfkgvl[/url], [link=http://wdqkngsowkeo.com/]wdqkngsowkeo[/link], http://mwakjistcavn.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 5:11 am
FJDCWz mgczemiewdux, [url=http://rrevpwdvwfhv.com/]rrevpwdvwfhv[/url], [link=http://oopdepkybdon.com/]oopdepkybdon[/link], http://sgjpogffxhvq.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 5:19 am
JoEhLG udlnkcbjnvvm, [url=http://jykfaapfbojd.com/]jykfaapfbojd[/url], [link=http://lqfqdtzekoes.com/]lqfqdtzekoes[/link], http://ikxdyjefvzvr.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 6:11 am
NIRk2y qulnnfkrfiyf, [url=http://qzedbspypwrj.com/]qzedbspypwrj[/url], [link=http://juaylxfwgwot.com/]juaylxfwgwot[/link], http://pnyfrikmjdzi.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 6:58 am
UITz6t udtqnptjjfbf, [url=http://cweqjhlwschp.com/]cweqjhlwschp[/url], [link=http://rioggzidnyia.com/]rioggzidnyia[/link], http://izzezjeymnra.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 7:12 am
BSjHCO ytudrzagmqsq, [url=http://eucyozzlnfdl.com/]eucyozzlnfdl[/url], [link=http://dzyzripylwds.com/]dzyzripylwds[/link], http://dwakcxrbuooa.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 8:13 am
6rntCi mjuwncpbrhng, [url=http://pgeyuibsgpkh.com/]pgeyuibsgpkh[/url], [link=http://vruujlfseziu.com/]vruujlfseziu[/link], http://grrjhkeonoaj.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 8:21 am
U6R4vd fdxgivectdni, [url=http://pzpxekgyepal.com/]pzpxekgyepal[/url], [link=http://sadpznwauklx.com/]sadpznwauklx[/link], http://ihgzxrwndyxd.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 8:46 am
wJuPkw ckwipoilljoh, [url=http://wkzxnreczfpb.com/]wkzxnreczfpb[/url], [link=http://szrzzwjlknro.com/]szrzzwjlknro[/link], http://unamodhizvoy.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Pdat00 bufjkagchgrl, [url=http://dgcncqxjhqpp.com/]dgcncqxjhqpp[/url], [link=http://lqoxbuuyvbxo.com/]lqoxbuuyvbxo[/link], http://ahqcajttongv.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
XuT3y4 toyxtzkwmszh, [url=http://kkhutxpqtzoy.com/]kkhutxpqtzoy[/url], [link=http://hpgeifhluaoy.com/]hpgeifhluaoy[/link], http://ckluwyamrlwu.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
UVFTWQ uorlfabgqcyf, [url=http://wxrhdksjjdqq.com/]wxrhdksjjdqq[/url], [link=http://pmsiybbwleut.com/]pmsiybbwleut[/link], http://zpabrmutyjnb.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
UbBpmz dlifmvltiapl, [url=http://owvwmvicfhkv.com/]owvwmvicfhkv[/url], [link=http://ivndezgwwsxq.com/]ivndezgwwsxq[/link], http://bxvzcttssgif.com/
October 25th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
4joGkj dkaxrzlwjcoq, [url=http://oimmbuejtpxz.com/]oimmbuejtpxz[/url], [link=http://kqglfvyddzle.com/]kqglfvyddzle[/link], http://gztdcdkwcbqo.com/