What To Expect When your Loved One Returns From a Combat Zone

One remarkable individual I have exchanged emails with asked me a question recently.  She volunteers at two VA hospitals. She is a humble person who asked me a question so important that I want to share it with anyone else who may have similar questions. She is a public speaker for several organizations that help family members deal with returning military members. She asked if there were any areas I think she should speak about. Her speech is entitled ‘When a deployed loved one returns home from a warzone - how to be a loving help instead of a drain on their loved one.’

She hits the nail on the head when she says “I know every single person who comes home from a warzone is going to be a different person.” The hard part is determing exactly how they are different. Details that seem small such as a favorite coffeeshop going out of business may drive home that times have changed when they least expect it. (That is a personal experience, I still haven’t found out if my favorite coffeeshop went out of business or moved)

There are several key issues that come into play when transitioning back to the states. There is the cultural shock from being immersed in a foreign culture so long. Changing timezones radically disrupts sleep habits, mood swings, and day to day life. Several of my close friends do not have the same sleeping patterns they had before. Before I deployed I could sleep eight to twelve hours straight without waking up. Now I sleep anywhere from two to six hours and frequently wake up at odd hours.

Writing off the stress from changing time zones and cultures another issue lurks in the shadows. Depending on where they are stationed and the extent of their duties its safe to say that venturing out on daily patrols, convoys, and combat missions provides an adrenaline rush like no other. Several of my close friends either own motorcycles or are purchasing them. By pushing the limits, driving at high speeds, engaging in risky behavior, I believe many people seek to recapture the adrenaline rush their bodies adjusted to while they were gone.

The best action that I believe a family member, whether they are a wife, father, mother, husband, or anyone else can take is to listen to them. Watch them. Don’t judge them. Its difficult to explain how different life is when you live half a world away for anywhere from a few months to a year or two. One of the most difficult parts for me to adjust to was the standard of living. I had to force myself to stop judging the american people after transitioning from an environment where running water and electricity are uncommon and the level of medical care we have here in the states is simply not there for most of the population. Do I blame the children for trying to get their hands on anything in our Humvees down to the doorknobs on our armored doors? No. I may have lost most of my empathy for them over the course of the twelve months I was in country but I understand why they are who they are. They are struggling to survive while we throw around high minded morals. We are not different people. Our societies are at different growth stages and failure to understand that by actions such as throwing money at the problems doesn’t make them go away.